


Where We Belong

by mikimagic



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Heavy Angst, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-04-19 22:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14247375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikimagic/pseuds/mikimagic
Summary: Despite trying to resist the urge to reach out to one another, Rey and Ben find themselves reconnecting through the force two months after the events on Crait. Rey gets sent on an urgent and unexpected mission to retrieve a valuable droid that had been captured by the First Order. During her mission she is captured by Hux, who has other plans for her after believing that she was the one who had killed Snoke.She inevitably faces Ben, who struggles to live up to expectations in his new position of leadership, while Rey seriously rethinks her previous decision about Ben.





	1. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has a force vision that involves Ben Solo, leading her to think back to their last force bond before Rey closed herself off from him. She wonders if she should open up the line of communication between them or not. Either way, she's been thinking of him, whether she likes it or not. Perhaps he has been thinking of her too.

_It had been a while since she’s thought about him, at least for a moment that wasn’t so fleeting. Some time had passed since she last saw Ben Solo’s face. It had been about two months now, give or take, and she honestly had not truly thought about him; at least not like this. She knew she shouldn’t reach out to him, especially when she had no idea how he would react to seeing her. This was a dangerous game she was playing, but it was too late to go back now._

_She opened her eyes._

_It was cold. There was a sharp, almost metallic smell in the air, and she felt very far away from the rebel base camp. Her surroundings were blurry, but she knew she wasn’t on the falcon anymore. She closed her eyes again and focused her energy, letting the force guide her._

_“Take me to Ben Solo.” She whispered._

Earlier that day she was working alongside Chewie, doing some routine maintenance on the Falcon. Maybe it was a little more than routine; it had gotten pretty banged up during their last adventure, and the little things that probably should have been fixed up right away had been put on the back burner, due to other pressing matters in the resistance. She had never expected to dive into the Rebel Alliance like she had, but that was her life now, and she was more than fully committed to the cause at this point. Alongside her friends she would fight for freedom. She did whatever she could to help, and it, in a way, gave her purpose. She stayed preoccupied and busy, and it was just as well; it helped her not to think. Not to look back. She had finally found where she belonged, or so she had thought. Sometimes she wondered that if that were truly the case, why did she still feel so empty some days?

She had not felt his presence in a while. He had not even bothered to contact her after the events that took place on Crait. That was just as well, because she had not tried to connect with him either, and she did not plan on doing so after everything that had happened. It was done and over with. He made his decision…and it wasn’t her.

She sighed and put down the tool she was working with while quickly standing on her feet. She let out a harrowing groan that seemed to echo through the Falcon’s corridors. She decided to sit in the cockpit and take a small break, giving her a perfect chance to meditate while Chewie was out. She recently took up meditating not only as a form of stress relief, but to further connect with the force as she learned more about her abilities. She spent her spare time reading through what she was able to salvage from the ancient Jedi texts, but without a proper teacher or even a lightsaber that wasn’t broken, it was difficult to even know how to do this whole Jedi thing. Fixing the actual lightsaber wasn’t the issue; she was pretty handy when it came to building something from broken pieces and scrap. The fact of the matter was that the kyber crystal that was nestled inside, the thing that she learned powered the weapon through the force itself, was cracked in half, and she had no idea how to fix it, if that were even possible. There was still so much that she didn’t know, and wanted to know, but had nobody to even turn to for these things, especially after Luke had passed.

She put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to get a handle on her thoughts, which seemed to be racing at this point. Why was she letting this anxiety take over her like this today? Usually, she had a pretty decent handle on things like this, so feeling this way when there was nothing to be stressed about bothered her greatly. Her chest began to tighten, but before the anxiety could progress, she stilled her body. She took a deep breath in and held it for a moment, before slowly exhaling. She did this continually for at least a moment before she began to feel herself relax a bit. For a moment, she felt like time had slowed, and it was just her and her thoughts now.

“There is no emotion…there is peace.” She took another deep breath in, and slowly exhaled once more. No emotion, huh? She was easily failing at that one. She still wasn’t entirely sure what that line meant either.

  
“There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.” She was becoming more at peace as she focused, repeating the mantra she had read in one of the ancient texts. “There is no passion… there is…”  
She took a breath and closed her eyes once more. As she did, she felt herself almost drift away, as if her being was leaving her body entirely. It was a strange, yet relaxing feeling. A moment had passed and she opened her eyes. She was standing among nothingness, at least, that was the only way she could describe it. Everything around her was white, as if she was in some sort of purgatory.

“Rey…”

She heard her name. It was somewhat faint; soft and quiet, almost like a whisper…and yet it was so clear in her ears.

“Rey...”

Rey shut her eyes again, almost desperately, and took a shaky breath inward.

“There…there is no passion.” She repeated. “There is...”

“Please.”

A tear ran down the girl’s cheek as a small gasp escaped her lips. Her eyes were open again, and she was no longer staring at nothing. He was there, standing right in front of her, his seemingly emotionless, dark eyes drinking her in.

Kylo Ren.

He kept his gaze on her but remained silent. Moments passed before Rey snapped out of her trance and clenched her fists at her side.

“Aren’t you going to say something?!” she practically screamed. She was not planning on having an outburst, especially after all of the effort she just went through to stay calm. “You got my attention! You weaseled your way into my thoughts as usual; so kriffing say something already!” her voice cracked, and another stray tear ran down her cheek. At that moment, she noticed a tear had also trailed down the boy’s own face at the exact same time she had shed her own. His face was now far from emotionless. He looked desperate and afraid. Not Kylo Ren.

Ben Solo.

Without breaking his gaze, he finally spoke. His voice sounded shaky, almost as if he was afraid, and coming unhinged because of it.

“I can’t.” he breathed.

The light that engulfed the two suddenly turned straight to black, and anything pure surrounding them was tainted. As Rey desperately looked around her, a strong wind had come out of nowhere. She turned her gaze back to Ben, only to see him literally being consumed by a black monstrous shadow from the bottom up. He did absolutely nothing to ward it off. He was refusing to fight, and it was almost as if he had already accepted his fate. He only watched the shadow continue to do it’s bidding on his body.

“Ben…” Rey watched as the darkness consumed him. She was almost mesmerized by the image in front of her, and immediately felt too helpless to even try to do anything at all. What would that have done anyway? She did not have the power, and this was not her battle to fight, especially when Ben was doing absolutely nothing to fight this himself.

Even so, she felt her body fling forward, her arm shooting out and desperately reaching for him.

“BEN!” she screamed.

His eyes shifted back to hers as she continued to reach for him. He only looked back at her with fearful eyes before he slowly lifted his arm and began to reach for her. Rey tried to get closer, but it was as if there was some unseen force keeping them from getting to one another. Regardless, she pushed back, with tears streaming down her face. Ben’s face suddenly went from hopeless to determined, and he too began to push back on the invisible current. The look on his face was so familiar. It was the exact same look he held when he tried to take the lightsaber from her, before the force became too much for them to handle. This time was different. They were trying so desperately to reach one another, but something was blocking them and trying it’s damnedest to keep one from grabbing the other. They were close now; so close that their fingertips nearly grazed one another’s. Before she could even touch him, it was too late. The ominous shadow had spread to his entire body and snatched him away from her, sucking him into some sort of oblivion.

He was gone.

“Rey…”

He was gone….

“Rey!”

Rey blinked a couple of times. She felt her eyes well up with tears again, and her throat hurt, as if she had been holding back a sob. Who was talking to her?

“Rey??”

She blinked again as another stray tear rolled down her face. She then realized there were two hands planted on her shoulders. They were strong, but at the same time gentle. She finally steadied her gaze in order to see who was standing in front of her. His dark eyes looked worried, as they usually did for her these days. He wore the decrepit jacket that the was once bestowed upon him by Commander Dameron.

“Finn….” She managed to speak, finally, but couldn’t fully focus her eyes on him.

“Maker!” he sighed aloud. “You had me so worried. What just happened??”

“I…” Rey looked at her surroundings. Sure enough, she was back on the Falcon.

“Are you okay, Rey? Talk to us…” Rey turned to the source of the other voice, soft and sweet. It was Rose. They had hit it off really well after Finn had introduced them not too long ago, and she ended up becoming a really good friend to Rey…and yet another person Rey managed to worry.

“I’m sorry.” Rey finally replied, almost breathlessly.

“Don’t apologize!” Finn said, once again sighing in relief.

“We just want to make sure you’re okay!” Rose looked at Rey, her eyes full of concern. “Chewie came and got us. He said you were in some sort of trance and you weren’t snapping out of it. You were crying and screaming, girl…”

A loud wail came from behind Rey, and she quickly turned to see Chewie standing there, looking concerned as ever. Standing next to him was the general of the Resistance herself, Leia Organa. Evidently her friends were not the only ones that had just witnessed her little episode. A knot formed in Rey’s stomach. What all did she see? What did she hear? This was such a huge mess and she didn’t even know how to even start explaining herself.

“I apologize. I have no idea what that was just now.” She tried to regroup, but she knew she was partially lying to herself. She had a slight hunch about what might have just happened, but how was she supposed to explain that to her friends? Finn barely understood how the force worked as it was. On top of that, nobody even knew about what had happened between her and Ben. The force bonding, the fighting side by side, the proposal Ben had made to her, or even the reason behind the lightsaber being split in half. The only person who even knew maybe even a fraction of that stuff was Chewie, who really only knew about her visit to Ben when she attempted to bring him back. She hadn’t even spoken of any of this to Leia, and she had not planned on it at all. Maybe there was a chance that Leia hadn’t heard anything, or so she had hoped.

“Rey…who were you calling for?” Rose asked.

“What?” Rey turned her back on Chewie and Leia and looked back at Rose, who was trying her best to help.

“We were running up here to meet you and I thought I heard you call someone’s name.” Rose looked at Finn, and then back at Rey. “I mean, it was hard to make out, you were crying a lot…” she trailed off and looked over Rey’s shoulder.

Rey didn’t even have to look at Leia to feel what she was thinking. She turned to see the general gliding towards her, her eyes looking as serious as ever. She knew. She heard Rey call out her son’s name. How was she going to talk her way out of this one? Before she could even open her mouth to speak, General Organa shushed her.

“Rey,” she spoke softly, but with authority. “Clearly you have something weighing heavily on your mind. Now are you sure there isn’t something you want to tell me?”

Rey’s eyes averted to her feet as she sighed. “Maybe…”

“Come with me.” Leia turned and made her way down the Falcon’s main corridor as Rey quickly shuffled after her. Finn and Rose only glanced at each other, still bewildered as ever. Finn then looked back at Chewie who only let out another wail and shrugged.

“Now I KNOW you’re keeping something from me.” Finn’s eyes narrowed.

Chewie only shrugged once more before picking up the tool bag from the floor and heading to another part of the ship.

Finn let out a heavy sigh, expressing his unhappiness with the situation. “Alright. So, I guess we’re just out of the loop for now, huh?”

“It’s frustrating, but what can you do?” Rose leaned up against one of the chairs near the control panel. “Rey is clearly not ready to talk about this with us, and we have to respect that.”

“Yeah I know…” Finn’s eyes were fixated on the gold plated twin dice hanging over the cockpit window. _“_

 

_What happened while we were apart...?”_

 

Rey sat on the cold examination table while a medical droid poked and prodded her. As it asked her to look straight forward, it did a quick scan over her face.

This was so unnecessary.

After the droid was through with the “necessary procedures”, it exited the room. Rey sat alone for what seemed like forever, her hands folded over her lap. Her head still hurt from crying and to be honest, she wished she could just go to bed and sleep this away, whatever it was. She sighed heavily and laid back onto the examination table, her arms dangling off of the edges. She stared up at the harsh lighting coming from the ceiling. What was going on with her today? Everything had been going so well since she had been back with the Resistance. She was doing fine until he had to show up in her thoughts. She wasn’t even entirely sure of what had just happened, but she knew it was not a normal force bonding session. It felt more like a dream then anything; surreal even.  
Rey heard the door slide open and Leia’s voice, and she quickly sat up, trying to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable conversation between them.

“Thank you. Yes of course. Carry on.” Leia smiled at whomever she was talking to outside of the room before stepping into the room. The door closed tightly behind her as she looked at Rey, her eyes seemingly peering straight into her mind. Rey swallowed nervously as Leia strode across the room and took a seat in a chair aside the examination table. She rested her cheek on the back of her hand and kept her gaze on Rey.

“So. How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I feel fine.” Rey smiled, but Leia could sense the uncertainty in her voice. “This is all so unnecessary…” Rey began to stand up. “I really think I should be getting back to work--”

“Emotional distress.” Leia raised her hand, commanding Rey to sit back down. She reluctantly took her seat once more as the general continued.

“I’m sorry?”

“The medical droid I spoke with said you are physically healthy. However, you are suffering from severe emotional distress. Unfortunately, there is no actual medicine for that, Rey. Tell me…” she leaned forward. “What happened just now? And why did you cry out for my son?”

Rey’s eyes did not meet Leia’s. She stared at the floor as she pursed her lips, remaining silent for only a moment before softly speaking up.

“It’s…an extremely long story.” She looked back up at Leia.

“Well, good thing we have plenty of time.”

Rey nodded, not really wanting to have this discussion, but knew she couldn’t get out of it now. “Well…” she paused, trying to find the proper words to say. “I think I had a force vision. And yes…I saw Ben. But, before you even ask why, I need to tell you everything.”

“Go right ahead. I’m listening.”

Rey began to tell Leia about her time away from the rebels. It was hard to get out at first, but eventually it all came so easily. She told her everything; about her time on Ahch-To, her brief training with Luke, and her unintentional connection with her son. She made the decision to keep out her discovery about Luke’s contemplation over his nephew, for she felt it was not her place to tell Leia about it; not yet, anyway. Rey wanted to spare her anymore heartbreaking news then she was already having to hear. She continued, talking about how she went to see Ben and tried to bring him back to the light, and her vision of his future. She went on about how he had saved her and struck down Snoke, how they had fought side by side, and Ben’s proposal to her in the end. As she spoke, Leia did not utter a single word. She only listened, but Rey could tell by her slowly shifting expression that this was so much to take in, especially when it involved her very own son…her child…the one she was ready to give up on ever seeing again. Rey began to talk about the final conversation she had with Ben, and her last efforts to bring him back with her. Her eyes began to well up, but she quickly brought her sleeve to her face and wiped them away immediately, frustrated that the tears were coming again. Finally, she told her about how the saber had broken in half, due to Ben and Rey’s use of the force being too strong for it to handle.

“And then I woke up. I remember seeing him lying there…unconscious…he hadn’t woken up yet. I made sure he was alright, but I honestly could not stick around after everything that had happened. And even if I had, it wouldn’t have mattered. His mind was already made up.” Rey stared into her lap. “And that’s when I managed to find an escape pod and get back to everyone.”

“So…you’re telling me that Ben killed Snoke. He just…?”

“Yes.”

Leia looked as if she did not believe the child at first, but knew she wasn’t lying to her. “So, at this point the next person to take Snoke’s place would have been…” she trailed off.

“That I don’t know…” Rey responded softly, not wanting to think about Ben taking that next step after all they had went through together; but she knew it to be true. Rey looked up at Leia, only to see what looked like a lifetime of pain in her eyes. At that moment she felt extremely selfish. Here she was talking about her difficulties with Ben and struggling with her visions of him, when his own mother who had probably felt this way for years wasn’t even able to look upon his face, much less speak to him.

Leia only nodded, still trying to take in everything that Rey had just told her. “So, you were…able to speak with him? Even when you two were on opposite ends of the galaxy?”

“Yes. Not only that, I could see him…I could…I could touch him. I felt him…his hand…” She stopped, remembering their moment of bonding and her vision of his future. “And then I saw it; a vision. I saw his future, and it was so clear.”

“What all did you see?”

“I saw…” she paused and stared forward, with that vision she had of him still so clear in her mind. “He was standing next to me. He stood tall and confident…and unafraid.” She blinked and forced herself to come back to reality. “But I don’t understand. I saw him with me. I knew he would not bow before Snoke, and we fought side by side together, almost as if we became a single force of nature. At that moment…” she paused. “I had never felt so close to anyone; not in my entire life. It’s almost as if we felt the same things; the same power, the same desires…the same pain. He saved my life.”

Leia closed her eyes briefly, as if trying to keep her own emotions in check. Rey continued.

“And then, even after all of that, I could not bring him back with me. I saw him one last time after the rebels ‘escape on Crait, after Luke…” she shook off the thought of Luke’s death. “…As we were boarding the Falcon. We did not speak…and that was it. I haven’t heard from him since.”

“And, you haven’t attempted to reach out to him?”

“No. Not once.”

Leia remained silent for a moment, looking as if she was trying to choose the best words for this whole situation. “Rey, why didn’t you tell me all of this sooner?”

“I didn’t want to hurt anyone…including you…and I didn’t want to compromise our goals.”

“Compromise…” Leia trailed off. “Rey, clearly this is causing you a lot of distress. What do you think brought all of this on today?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just tried to put it to the back of my mind. Whenever I started to think about it, I pushed it back further. I dove into my work. But today…I had that vision, and I can’t explain it.”

  
“I see. Well, you’ve done a decent job hiding your true feelings.”

“I’m sorry.” Rey was unconsciously clutching the hem of her shirt, trying to be as open to Leia as she could. So far, she felt like she was just messing up every which way. “You see, growing up on Jakku, I had to pretty much fend for myself my whole life. I didn’t have parents for most of it. When things got hard, I had nobody to turn to. I had to learn to be strong and not let others see how I was really feeling. If I did, they’d see…” she trailed off.

“Weakness?” Leia finished the girl’s sentence.

Rey looked up at Leia, a little surprised at her response. “Yes…”

“You’re right in a sense. When you’re in a position where others look to you for guidance, or even to lean on, it’s something we naturally do. We hide and even suppress our emotions, but you know what? Showing them doesn’t make you weak; not in the slightest.” Leia smiled. “You remember that, okay?”

“Yes. I will…” Rey spoke softly, taking in Leia’s words.

“Now it seems to me that, somehow, through the force, you were able to connect with my son. Unfortunately, I can’t give you a solid answer on why that is. I didn’t delve into the force as much as Luke and quite honestly it wasn’t until very recently that I personally felt the true power of it. I can see it in your eyes, Rey. You came back to us a different person. Stronger, and a little wiser.” She smiled at her, her kind eyes lifting Rey’s spirits a little. “But also, heartbroken.”

Heartbroken.

“It isn’t like that. Please don’t think that it’s like that…” Rey trailed off, turning her gaze towards the window beside her.

Leia only sighed. She had not expected to hear any of this today. She simply assumed that this whole time, Rey was on Ahch-to trying to bring back Luke; but in all actuality, most of her time was spent with her son. For some reason, this girl took it into her own hands to try and bring her boy back, and even though she had failed, she still, somehow, managed to reach out to him in a way that nobody else could for years. How powerful the force was; still in ways that even she didn’t fully understand. Leia had no idea what was going to happen now with Rey, or even Ben who she was ready to give up hope of being saved.

“I can see that your heart clearly aches for him, Rey. I know. I’ve felt the same way for years. He is my one and only child after all.”

Rey quickly looked back at her, about to protest, but Leia held up a hand.

“But you need to focus on you now, because I can see now that you haven’t been taking good care of yourself. You spend so much time caring about others, whether it be The Resistance, your friends, Luke…Ben…that you have neglected your own needs. You search for answers in others too much. Maybe it’s time you tried looking for them inside of yourself. Eventually, things will fall into place, and you will find your answers and solutions. Do you understand what I’m saying, Rey?”

Rey nodded, trying hard to hold back even more tears. Everything the general had said was absolutely true, and she was just now realizing all of it herself.

“I understand.” Rey said, her confidence slowly coming back into her voice.

“I know you can do it. You are strong in so many ways. More than you might think.”

Rey cracked a smile. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely better than more tears. “Thank you.”

Leia nodded. “Now, you said you haven’t told anyone else about this?”

“I haven’t.”

“I think it’s for the best that you don’t mention anything you said to me, especially about your force connection with my son. People will not take it as well as I did. You understand me, right?”

“Yes.”

“I know you are close to that boy Finn, but I need you not to say anything, not even to him.”

“Alright, I understand.”

“Good. Now…” Leia stood up. “You need to take the rest of the night off and rest. You went through a lot today.”

“Alright…” Rey sighed with reluctance in her tone.

“Don’t give me that. I need you sharp for the morning, got it?”

“Got it.”

Rey left the med bay, still not feeling her best, but still slightly better after talking to Leia. She still wasn’t entirely sure if it was the right thing to have done, but there was no point in hiding it anymore either. She walked through the main corridor of the current Rebel base before hearing a voice call from behind her.

“Rey!” she turned and saw Finn swiftly coming towards her.

“Oh kriff…” Rey mumbled under her breath. Finn must have been waiting for her. She wasn’t exactly sure what to say to him. That she had a force vision? He still didn’t fully understand the force and how it felt to be so sensitive to it to begin with. It wasn’t his fault, but it was always more difficult to explain to someone who couldn’t personally relate. And then there was the subject of her vision, and how she saw and called out to Ben. How was she supposed to explain that? That she had some sort of special bonding time with Kylo Ren of all people, the man she and Finn had both witnessed killing Han Solo? The same man who messed him up in a saber fight? Finn still had that scar on his back, and it was probably going to be there forever. How could she betray Finn’s trust by telling him all of this? He didn’t deserve that; not after everything they had gone through together. Even if she wanted to risk their friendship and confide in him, Leia requested that she not say anything, even to him. He was now right behind her now, so she took a deep breath and exhaled before turning around to face him with a smile.

“Hey! Sorry, were you waiting for me?”

“Yeah, but I got caught up in a conversation with one of the pilots and didn’t notice you walking out. So, how are you feeling?”

“Peachy.” Rey nodded, still smiling.

“Not buying it.” Finn crossed his arms over his chest. “Walk with me.”

Rey sighed heavily and let out a groan as she followed after Finn.

“Don’t give me that!” Finn laughed. “But really, what’s going on?”

“It’s just…don’t worry about it, Finn. I’m alright now.”

“So, you’re not going to tell me.”

“Look, it’s not like that. It’s just a lot to try and explain.”

“Force stuff?”

“Yep.”

Finn sighed. “I got you. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

“Just…a lot has happened. Even though a couple of months have already passed since the last, well, incident…it’s still so fresh in my mind, you know?”

“Hey, I know for a fact that you aren’t the only one feeling that way.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. A lot of people were impacted by the events on Crait. I’m one of them. I mean, I almost died after all.” He laughed, but Rey elbowed him in the ribs. Both stopped in the middle of the hall, getting brief glances from other crew members that were walking by.

“Owww! What was that for??”

“That’s not funny, Finn!” Rey stared back at him.

“Hey…I’m sorry…”

“I can’t lose you too…”

“Too…? Rey, what do you…?” Finn shook off her last comment, trying not to change the subject too much, and knew she probably wouldn’t say too much about it anyway. “Look, I’m here aren’t I? We both are. That means we still have stuff we have do before we bite the dust. We’re still here, and that’s something to be really grateful for.”

Rey practically sprung forward, locking her arms around Finn in a tight embrace. “I am. I’m glad.”

Finn smiled softly and returned the hug. “And I’m glad you’re here with us, we’re all glad.”

Another moment passed before the two separated. Rey was so happy she had Finn, even if he didn’t fully understand some of the things she was going through. His friendship got her through most of these rough days after Luke’s death and her choice of having to leave Ben behind.

“So what are you guys talking about??” Poe suddenly popped up between them, slinging his arms over each of their shoulders and pulling them closer to him. “Top secret plans?” he whispered.

“Poe!” Rey shoved him away and laughed as Finn shook his head and smiled.

“What are you up to?” Finn asked. “Done looking over those new x-wing parts already?”

“Yeah, and it only took me a couple of days.” He groaned. “But better safe than sorry I guess. Just a whole lotta work and not much flying going on these days. For now, anyway.”

“Yeah, I know General Organa has a lot of us laying low for reasons right now, but I feel like things have been too, I don’t know, calm? It’s kind of eerie to be honest.” Finn frowned.

“How do you think I feel??” Poe shook his head. “I’m used to flying almost every mission. I think she’s got it out for me.”

“Well, last I heard you were causing a bit of trouble with your superiors.” Rey crossed her arms, giving him a sarcastic smile.

Poe only returned her sassy comment with a smirk and moved in closer. “Well I also heard you caused a bit of trouble yourself, little miss rock lifter.” He grinned as he playfully scanned her from the ground up. “Which was pretty badass by the way.”

“Okayyy, why don’t you cool your jets, pilot.” Finn took the liberty of stepping between the two as they continued to walk down the hall.

Rey only smiled and rolled her eyes. Poe was flirting with her a lot these days, and she did flirt back…sort of. Most of it was harmless fun, but she knew he had started to look at her in a different way. He was interested in her, but that kind of stuff was rare in the resistance. Sure, there were romances and hook-ups, but most of the romances were complicated and required tons of commitment. The flings were just that; people would just hook up and that was all, nothing more. Rey had not entertained the idea of a relationship with anyone. There was just too much going on for her to even begin to think about something like that, especially after everything that had happened. She wasn’t looking for a relationship, but there was no harm in flirting back.

“So, where are you off to now?” Finn glanced at Poe.

“The pub. I need to ‘unwind’ after the week we’ve had, if you catch my drift.” Poe winked.

“So you’re gonna go get trashed tonight.”

“You got it!” Poe grinned. “You guys wanna come along?”

Finn shrugged. “Sure, sounds fun. But you’re not roping me into another drinking contest!”

“Aw come one! It was fun!”

“I was sick for days!”

“You’re such a lightweight.” Poe laughed and looked over at the girl. “How about you, Rey?”

“I don’t know. The general told me I should turn in early tonight so…”

“Really?” Poe scoffed. “Why?”

“I’ve just had a lot on my plate lately.”

“Aw, come on. Just come for a little bit? They have bantha burgers you know.”

Rey gave him a side glance, narrowing her eyes at him. “…Do they?”

“Mmhm.”

“Poe, you know she never turns down food, right?” Finn laughed.

“Oh, believe me, I know.”

“I’m still right here, guys!”

 

Not long after, Rey found herself at a table with Finn, Poe, and a few others from the resistance. The pub was pretty crowded, but that was pretty normal at this particular one, especially at the end of the week. They had been there for a little over a half hour and Poe had already had at least four shots with his comrades. Maybe he really was serious about going hard tonight. Rey conversed with Finn and her fellow comrades as they waited for their food to arrive, all the while glancing at the small glass that Poe set down in front of her twenty minutes ago. She didn’t care much for alcohol, or more over, she really didn’t have a real opinion on it, because she had never had a drink before. She was really young when she was separated from her parents, so her memories of them were pretty cloudy. But she did know they would drink too much some days, usually until one or both of them blacked out for hours at a time. Eventually they even sold her off to feed their addiction. She never really wanted to get into it for those reasons, but in the same breath, she wondered what all of the fuss was about. Whenever she was around her other comrades, they would drink, but most of them seemed cheery, funny, and carefree.

“You still staring at that glass?”

Rey turned her head to see Poe leaning down behind her, practically resting his chin on her shoulder.

“You drink it.” She pushed the glass in his direction.

“But I got it for you.” He laughed and pushed it back.

“I don’t want to get messed up, Poe!” she playfully shoved his shoulder.

“Oh maker, it’s just a bit of jet juice! You’ll be fine, I promise!”

“You better not be lying.” Rey narrowed her eyes at the absentminded pilot. She then tossed her head back and downed the whole glass in one sitting, causing the men at the table to holler as she did so. Rey slammed the glass back down on the table and grimaced.

“Oh…maker! That’s awful!” she looked at Poe, who only stared back looking nothing short of amused.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I can’t believe you drank that whole thing that quickly. Holy shit.” Poe nearly doubled over as he laughed.

“Rey, jet juice hits hard. You really should have just sipped, girl.” Finn put a hand to his forehead and laughed.

“I didn’t know!” she threw up her hands in defeat. “You tricked me!” she shoved Poe once more causing him to laugh even harder.

“Come on Finn, she’s tough! She’ll be alright.”

Twenty more minutes had passed and the group was continuing to enjoy food and drink. Rey dug into her meal, eating sloppily as usual. She was definitely starting to feel the effects of the so-called jet juice and realized it when she started to see double in front of her. She learned that she should probably not have downed that drink in one sitting when she had barely any tolerance to alcohol built up. She also figured out that drinking something so strong on an empty stomach made the effects kick in quicker than usual. She didn’t drink anymore but continued to enjoy her night with her friends; what she could recall of it anyway.

The rest of the night ended up being a blur. She was downing her food like an animal, a bad habit she picked up growing up on Jakku where food was scarce. So, whenever she did eat, she focused more on actually consuming it for nourishment rather than savoring it. After that she remembered a lot of noises; talking, laughing, and music. At one point she apparently left the pub and headed back to the base on foot with only Poe accompanying her.

“Why did you let me drink that concoction?” she slurred while hanging onto the pilot’s arm. I’m going to kill you, Poe!”

“That’s fine. I’m cool with that.” Poe slightly stumbled, pretty much gone himself.

“Are we almost there?? I just wanna fall into bed.” Rey groaned.

“Where you camping? The Falcon?”

“Yup!”

“Alright well it’s coming up. You okay to walk up that ramp by yourself?”

“What??” Rey laughed aloud.

“Shhh! Shhhhh!” Poe hushed her, while at the same time trying to stifle a laugh.

“Don’t…shush me, damn flyboy!” she whispered.

“I said…do you need assistance? To your quarters?” his voice held a seductive, but still playful tone.

“Assistance, huh?”

Poe only shrugged as he stole a sideways glance at her, a mischievous smirk crossing his face.

“Really?” Rey laughed and let go of Poe’s arm as she attempted to face him. She ended up stumbling in the process, causing her to fall forward. Before she could find her balance, Poe caught her in his arms. Rey let out a small gasp as she fell into his arms, unconsciously looping her arms around his neck in the process.

“Well, that was close. You nearly busted your ass.” Poe murmured.

“Yeah…I did, didn’t I?”

Poe scoffed.

“What?”

“You’re drunk.” Poe chuckled softly as Rey’s face began to redden.

“You know what? I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for you.” She laughed once more and looked up at Poe, realizing they were both still locked in somewhat of an embrace. She also noticed that Poe was no longer smiling or laughing but holding some sort of intense gaze on her that seemed to draw her in almost immediately. The night was still and silent around them, and neither spoke for a few moments.

“Poe?”

Rey could barely even get his name out before Poe latched onto her lips, kissing her deeply. For a moment, she felt like her breath was taken away. This was so unexpected and caught her extremely off guard. Despite this, she did return the kiss as the two continued to hold onto each other. After a brief moment, the two pulled away, and Rey raised her head to look back up at the dashing pilot. What she saw was not Poe Dameron.

His hair was black as the night sky above them, and his dark brown eyes drank her in, making her not want to look away. His face was riddled with marks, freckles, and a deep scar that trailed down over his right eye and down the side of his face. Lips that were full and looked soft as ever. She stared at him speechless as he continued to gaze into her eyes, staring so intently that it was almost as if he was trying to see into her soul. She saw longing in his eyes.

“Rey.” He whispered softly. She wasn’t entirely sure if she heard right, but there was a slight hint of seduction in his tone. He had that kind of voice that was soft and sultry, but at the same time hard and sturdy, like a brick wall.

Ben.

Rey only continued to stare back at him, utterly speechless. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words just wouldn’t flow.

“Rey? Hellooo?”

Rey blinked and looked around her. What had just happened? She quickly looked back up at the man that was still holding her, and it wasn’t Ben. It was Poe, the one she had been with all night. A look of disappointment briefly crossed her face, causing Poe’s fun loving expression to immediately drop.

“What’s wrong…?”

Rey finally came crashing back to reality as she let go on Poe and lightly pushed herself out of his grasp.

“I…I really have to go now.” She stuttered, nervously pushing some hair behind her ear. She was so embarrassed, so couldn’t even look Poe in the eyes at this point. She felt herself getting emotional again and being piss drunk was not helping matters at all.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Poe reached his hand out to her, attempting to get her to stay.

“No, no! Don’t be!” Rey tried to force a reassuring smile but could barely muster one. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep all of this off. She didn’t want to think about anything else today, especially anything that had to do with her missing Ben Solo. “I really need to get to bed. Got to be sharp tomorrow! Thank you for everything! Goodnight, Poe!”

And with that Rey quickly headed up the ramp and through the entrance of the Falcon, still slightly stumbling as she went. Poe only stared after her, making sure she got inside safely before making his way back to one of the hangers.

“You kriffing idiot!” he mumbled to himself.

 

“You kriffing idiot!” Rey groaned as she searched one of the supply closets for an extra blanket. She stood on her toes and managed to grab one off of the top shelf, but clumsily yanked it down, causing other items to fall down with it. Rey grunted, irritated, and left the junk on the floor, telling herself she’d pick in up in the morning.

“You’re so stupid! Ughhh!”

She drunkenly staggered to the crew quarters, where Rose and a fellow comrade were snoozing away on the other two cots. She forcefully threw the blanket over the cot and practically fell into it. She yanked the covers over her head and shut her eyes, trying desperately to just fall asleep already. After about fifteen minutes of tossing and turning, she made no avail. She sighed heavily and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the cot and got to her feet.

“Whoa…” she stumbled, watching the whole room spin in front of her.

This was ridiculous. Was she really such a lightweight that she couldn’t even handle one drink? At least, she thought she had only had one. She couldn’t even remember at this point. She staggered to the doorway and made her way down the corridor in search of her water canteen. She found it clumsily tossed onto the table in the sitting area. She picked it up and felt that it was still pretty full. Thank the stars, for she was so thirsty that she popped it open and chugged the whole thing in seconds. She sighed and set it back down before sitting down at the table.

  
She sat in the dark for a few moments, taking advantage of the silence that surrounded her. Everything was so quiet in the dead of the night. It was very rare these days that she had a moment of silence…of peace. She propped her elbows up on the table and held her face in her hands. She should have listened to Leia and went to bed early after the events that happened today weighed so heavily on her. Of course, she chose to go out with her friends instead, not seeing the harm in it at the time, and definitely not expecting to have even a drop of alcohol. And then there was Poe.

  
Rey further buried her face in her hands.

What even was that back there? Sure, she and Poe flirted, but that was it, and it was all in good fun. She thought she had made it clear that she did not want a relationship with anyone right now, so why did Poe have to go in and kiss her like that? She wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but even if she did subtract that from the issue, it didn’t matter. She knew Poe had been trying to get closer to her for some time now, but she just continued to avoid him and not take him seriously. Maybe it wasn’t right, but she just didn’t know how to properly confront issues of that nature. She was no better though. She made the choice to return his kiss when she should have just pushed him away as soon as their lips met. And the worst part of this whole situation was that she saw Ben Solo’s face when she looked up, not Poe’s.

Rey let out a low and aggravated groan.

 _WHY_ in the galaxy was she imagining Ben Solo’s lips on hers? Of all people? It made no sense at all at this point, and she was just going to chock it up to being shit faced and attempt to go back to bed. She stood up and stumbled slightly, having to grab onto the side of the table. She finally managed to stand upright before turning and heading down the corridor. About halfway down she stopped and stood there briefly, staring down at the floor. Her memory flashed back to her first force bond with Ben. She remembered when she first saw him, somehow right there in front of her. She was so startled that her first instinct was to shoot, but it did nothing. Every meeting after that was intentional, going from confrontational to suddenly both of them actually talking like regular people about their fears and struggles…. their loneliness. They both told each other that they were not alone. They touched.

Rey lifted her hand and stared at it for a brief moment. After all of that, and everything that followed, it didn’t matter. She was here, and he was somewhere else across the galaxy. It was all for nothing.

  
She wasn’t going to lie. Sometimes, she had the urge to reach out to him. This rarely crossed her mind, due to her decision to close herself off from him months ago; but sometimes, especially on nights like this…she wished she could see him. She wondered how he was doing; if he was taking care of himself. She wondered if he still struggled to sleep, like she did. She wondered if he wanted to see her too, but most of the time she brushed that curiosity aside. She could never fully admit to herself that she wished he would find her and reach out to her. But it never happened. If he had wanted to, he would have already done it. She sighed in disbelief at herself. She cut herself off from him for a reason and refused to reach out again for months, yet she sat here expecting him to come running after her, finding her through the force after everything that happened between them? No. Things didn’t work that way.

She needed to let this go already. She needed to let him go. And yet…

She wondered what would happen if she decided to open the door between them again. Would he sense her right away? Maybe if she was careful, she could keep her presence faint. If she could just see him, just for a moment, that would be enough for her. Then she could finally have closure and stop seeing him everywhere. She closed her eyes and took a breath inward, before exhaling softly. Part of her was so eager to find him, to see him again. The other part of her was practically screaming at her to not even try it; to just let it go. Her stubbornness wouldn’t allow it.

She opened her eyes.

It was cold. There was a sharp metallic smell in the air, and she felt very far away from the rebel base camp. Her surrounding was blurry, but she knew she wasn’t in the falcon anymore. She closed her eyes again and focused her energy, letting the force guide her.

“Take me to Ben Solo.” She whispered.

She opened her eyes again, this time gasping sharply as she felt a rush of energy run through every inch of her body. She was looking at the floor, for sure knowing now that she was definitely not on the Falcon anymore. Her surroundings were still blurry, but it was beginning to clear, almost like a haze was lifting. She was in a room. It was dark for the most part, dimly lit by a single candle. The flame danced on the wick, casting shadows on the wall behind it. It looked so out of place sitting on a simple nightstand, with the room enclosed by walls made of dark metal. It did, however, make the cold and unfeeling atmosphere a little more comfortable to be in. She scanned the room, some of it still coming into view as she looked around. She decided to walk towards the candlelight. More details came into view as she strode across the room. There was a bed off to the side, draped with dark bedding. She reached out and ran her hand across the comforter. It was soft under her palm; she could actually feel the cloth. She walked over to the side of the bed, where the candle’s flame still flickered whilst sitting on the nightstand. She slowly reached out and put her fingers close to the flame. She felt the heat coming off of it, nearly singeing her fingertips.

This was unreal.

She ran her hand over the top of the night stand and over to what consisted of a worn out looking inkwell and a couple of…were they paintbrushes? She examined them closer to see that it was actually a calligraphy set, or part of one. It looked ancient. It had to have been an antique, for nobody really wrote anything by hand in pen and ink anymore, much less in such an artistic manner. She was intrigued by it but dare not touch it due to the age it looked to be. She slid her hand down a bit further before her fingers brushed up against cool metal.

A lightsaber.

She placed her hand over it, gripping the dark hilt that was shaped like a cross, that sat largely in her tiny hand. She let go of it slowly, brushing her fingers over it one more time before looking back to the other side of the room where she first arrived. She finally felt him, his presence faint at first, before growing stronger and stronger. She inhaled sharply, backing into the corner near the nightstand as the dim candlelight continued to cast its fluttery, dim light over the walls. She could turn back. She could cut this off right now and had the power to do so. She continued to stand in that spot anyway. She felt him getting closer, and her heart was now beating rapidly due to anticipation as well as anxiety. She tried to slow her breathing and calm herself, wanting to keep her presence faint and hidden from him.

A tall figure emerged from the shadows on the opposite end of the room, followed by a door closing behind him. He moved swiftly across the room, his eyes cold and focused, as if he had a task to fulfill. It was damn near four in the morning, and he was still fully dressed. Was he just now heading to bed? She looked closer, but the lighting in the room was so poor that she could barely make out any of his features. The only new thing she could point out so far was his hair had grown longer. It wasn’t by much, but enough for him to pull it back out of his face, though some of his hair still messily fell down the sides of his face. It was a good look for him.

Her eyes softened as he took off the long black cape that was draped over his shoulders, casually tossing it onto a single chair. He still hadn’t sensed her presence. He grabbed the hem of his shirt, or what looked to be one layered on top of the other and pulled them up and over his head, tossing them to the ground. Rey hunched up and pursed her lips nervously, her eyes wandering to his broad shoulders and toned back. It never failed; she always found herself getting flustered like this when she saw him practically naked. Okay, maybe she was exaggerating, but why did she always show up at the wrong times? She started to feel a little uneasy watching him practically strip like this, but she still had yet to get a better view of his face. He finally turned around, and walked towards the bed, his hands now moving down to the buttons of his pants.

Rey had seen enough. It was time to go. She felt like a creep, spying on him like this and it wasn’t right. She backed up nervously, right into the night stand, causing a slight thump and the candle’s flame to flutter wildly before it settled again. This was all too real. How was she able to physically touch and bump into things like this? She let out a small gasp before quickly covering her mouth with her hand.

Ben immediately stopped what her was doing and looked up, swiftly raising his hand to call his saber to him upon reflex.

Rey stood in the glow of the candlelight, looking right at him, with a hint of guilt on her face.

He stared back at her and inhaled sharply, before slowly lowering his hand. He swiftly looked down at his feet, trying to comprehend seeing Rey in his chambers. He quickly looked back up and she was still there. How long had she been standing there watching him like that? How come he hadn’t felt her presence earlier? It was strong now, and he could feel her presence clearly. They only continued to stare back at one another for maybe a fraction of a second, before Rey slowly started to take a few steps forward. Ben practically froze in place. She was actually here, well, not physically, but through the force. This was insane, and yet probably the most real connection he has had with her yet. It was almost hard to believe that she was somewhere else across the galaxy. He stood in place, unable to move or even speak as she slowly moved in closer.

What was she doing here? And now of all times? She didn’t look angry. She didn’t even look frightened. If anything, he was getting feelings of what felt like intense apprehension from her.

  
Rey kept moving closer regardless of her unsure feelings, with each step screaming at her to stop, to sever this right now. But she couldn’t. She wanted, _needed_ to see him.

  
Ben finally took a step forward. He was still at a loss for words, and still wondering why after all of this time she was showing herself to him. He wanted to be angry, to give some sort of disdainful remark, to tell her to leave and never show her face to him again.

He knew he couldn’t do any of those things, even if he wanted to.

They continued to move, getting closer and closer, until the two only had a mere few inches between them. She could see his features better now. His eyes looked so tired and lost. Little dark shadows had formed under his eyes, and she began to wonder how long it’s been since he’s actually had a full night’s rest. The scar she had given him still marked his body clearly, running down his face and down to his chest. She spotted a couple of new scars and bruises on his body, briefly wondering what he’d gotten himself into lately. She wanted to reach out and run her fingers over each one, but decided against it. Were they from the fight in the throne room after he had killed Snoke? She only hoped they weren’t caused within the last couple of months. She couldn’t bear the thought of Ben going back to hurting, and possibly killing others. She turned her gaze back to his, looking up at the boy who stood so much taller than she. He was intently staring back at her, as if he was studying her features.

  
He took her in, trying to lock every new detail into his memory. Her hair had started to fall over her shoulders; had it grown longer since the last time he saw her? Freckles sprinkled her nose and cheeks, somehow more noticeable to him than before. Her eyes sparkled like amber in the candlelight, but they didn’t look so confident this time. They looked sad. They looked almost the same as they did that day, right before he asked her to join him… and right before she left him.

Neither of them said anything at all, they only continued to keep their gaze locked on one another.

Ben’s heart was racing too fast for him to even think. He was not expecting her to show up like this. He thought she was through with him and that she didn’t want to see his face again. He tried to scan her face, to find a reason for her visit. He earnestly searched her eyes for anger or disappointment…anything that would explain this to him. The last time they saw each other he didn’t feel any anger from her when she looked at him, but in the same breath he no longer felt any compassion coming from her either. Then she shut herself out of his life. Ever since then he felt absolutely nothing from her. For the first few days after the events that took place on Crait, he desperately wanted to reach out to her through the force. He wanted to see her face and hear her voice.

  
He just wanted her to come back.

He often thought that if he had reached out to her and worded things a little differently, maybe she would reconsider his offer. And then it hit him how stupid of a thought that was. He knew where her priorities were, and he wasn’t one of them, at least not anymore. He wasn’t about to beg either. He refused to sink that low. After that he threw himself into his training and new position as Supreme Leader of The First Order. He blocked his mind from anything that would distract him from what he needed to do, but regardless of all of that, he couldn’t help but think of her at least once every day, even if it was just for a very brief moment. He could never pinpoint why he was feeling this way or why she had such a huge hold on him; why she made his heart race and ache at the same time every single time he thought of her…and now here she was standing right in front of him out of nowhere.

  
Rey already knew she made a mistake by reaching out to him like this. Here she was, lying to everyone. Kylo Ren was the enemy, and Ben Solo made his choice.

  
He made his choice.

So then why was she here? Why was there still a very small pull on her heart telling her that there was still good in him? Though very dim, she still saw light in his eyes. He was silent towards her, but she didn’t feel hatred from him, or even resentment like she had expected. His facial features softened, his eyes gently staring back at her. He was slowly raising his hand again, but he wasn’t reaching for his saber. He stopped a few inches shy of her face. Rey only kept her eyes locked onto his, now feeling hints of apprehension coming from him as well, regardless of how much he attempted to hide it.

  
She eventually felt his fingers graze her cheek, causing her skin to tingle underneath them. He ran the back of his hand gently down the side of her face. Her skin felt so warm under his. He continued to run his hand down her cheek, feeling warmth and softness against his cold and callused hand. He then paused abruptly.

  
This was starting to get a little too real for him. He quickly attempted to snatch his hand away from her, realizing what a mistake it was to reach out and touch her like that. As he pulled away, Rey swiftly reached out and grabbed his hand back, causing them both to freeze in place for a moment. Rey exhaled sharply, before gently loosening her grip on the boy’s hand, folding her hand over his so that her fingers were now laced between his own.

Ben only fixated his gaze on their hands for a split second. Her hand looked so tiny in his. He slowly closed his fingers over hers, feeling relief once he did. He quickly reached over and took her other hand and held it the same way, with his fingers laced over hers. Both of them felt the force flood through them; not just their minds, but their entire bodies. It was almost overwhelming that every time they touched this happened. The feeling itself was extremely euphoric and almost addicting; so addicting that neither of them ever wanted to let go. For a brief moment, they felt as if they were not separate people, but one. Time seemed to stop around them, the universe seeming to be in perfect balance with all of the living beings in it. Regardless of the chaos of war, death, and loss, both of them, on opposite ends of the spectrum no less, were in complete sync with one another. There was a feeling of peace.

A feeling of balance.

Rey kept her eyes on him. Ben Solo was standing right in front of her, raw and vulnerable. After all of this time, he opened up everything to her, and she to him. She wasn’t quite sure whether this was right or extremely wrong; all she knew was she never wanted to let go of his hands. She wanted to keep feeling this, even if the intensity of it all was too much for her to bear.

  
Ben continued to look into her eyes, half of her face lit by the dim light of the candle, and the other half nearly engulfed in darkness. She had opened her mind up to him completely. Why was she doing this? Didn’t she realize he could find out where she and the rebel alliance were hiding? He could see what their next move would be? Any secrets she held in her head at the moment, he would be able to see. He had the opportunity right in front of him, and all he had to do was take it. He could take it all from her and it would be so easy.

His hands began to tremble.

He wasn’t even remotely interested in doing that to her. What was he even thinking?

_“Rey?”_

He heard her name echoing throughout his chambers, snapping both of them out of their trance. Rey looked around frantically, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from and who it belonged to. She then felt Ben’s grip on her hands tighten significantly. She turned back to him, no longer sensing the peacefulness and compassion she felt from him just moments ago, but a mix of anger, resentment, and jealousy. His eyes went dark as he stared back at her, desperately holding onto her, as if letting her go would cause her to disappear.

Then she felt it.

Desperation. Fear.

“Ben...” she began to loosen her fingers as her eyes began to fog up with tears. It took every ounce of her being to not start crying in front of him, but she clearly saw what was happening. She shouldn’t have come here. Ben refused to let go of Rey’s hands and continued to hold them tightly. She felt his hands begin to tremble before looking back up at him. He was looking straight at her once more, his eyes now looking like that of a frightened child. He took one more small step forward and closed anymore space between the, before letting out a breathy whisper.

“Don’t go.”

She continued to look up at him as her surroundings began to fade and blur around her. He was starting to unhinge, his calm demeanor gone yet again as he refused to let go of her hands. Trepidation took over his face, along with his mind and body. Rey felt it so strongly that she wasn’t sure how to handle it. It was too late now anyway.

Ben watched as Rey slowly began to disappear from his sight, her hands so easily slipping from his, leaving them cold and empty. He now stood alone in his room, his hands still raised for a brief moment, still trembling, before falling to his sides. He breathed heavily, trying to take in the experience he had just had with her.

She was gone. In an instant, she was taken from him yet again.

This was her fault. How dare she show up and do this to him. She had him practically on his knees begging, and she damn well knew she could do it too. He wanted to blame her for leaving again. He wanted to hate her, but he couldn’t. No matter what she did to him, he could never hate her. His chest heaved heavily up and down as he stood there silently with his fists now clenched at his sides. The pain was too much to bear at this point, and he found himself thinking over and over again how it would have been better if they had never even met to begin with. But fate is a cruel mistress.

  
The candlelight violently flickered against the wall, casting shadows. Ben stayed fixated on the flame, staring at it with such intense ferocity in his eyes before turning and slamming his fist into the wall beside him, letting out a scream of unbridled rage that he had not felt since he faced Luke Skywalker on Crait a few months prior. He continued to beat his fist into the wall, denting the cold metal beneath his now stinging knuckles.

 

Rey felt as if she had been jerked awake from a dream, with a sharp gasp escaping her lips. Rose was standing in front of her, her hands firmly on Rey’s shoulders with a frantic look in her eyes.

“Rose…” her name barely slipped from her lips.

“Maker, you scared me! What is going on with you? Do I need to take you to the med bay….?”

Rey slumped her head onto Rose’s shoulder and embraced the girl, staying there for a brief moment.

“…I was already at the med bay today. I’m fine, they said.” Rey kept her face in Rose’s shoulder. Rose sighed, confused, but happy that Rey was alright. She hugged her back, now smelling the strong scent of alcohol on her.

“Oof. Rey…” she grimaced.

“And I think I drank too much.” Rey muttered.

“Honey.” Rose sighed. “Come on, let’s get you to bed, okay?” the small girl swung Rey’s arm across her shoulder as she helped her walk back to the crew’s quarters.

“Did something happen tonight? Tell me Poe didn’t try anything…”

Rey blinked, as she had completely forgotten about the Poe situation. She responded with a small groan.

“Oh, maker…” Rose sighed. “You don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you, Rose. I really don’t want to. ”

Rose only nodded as she continued to help Rey get to her bed.

“I don’t feel so good…” Rey mumbled.

“Try not to barf on me okay?”

Rey managed to let out a small chuckle at Rose’s comment.

“There’s that smile.” Rose grinned as the two walked back down the corridor.

Eventually Rey got to bed, but she couldn’t find herself able to fall asleep, and she was back at square one all over again. She stared up at the ceiling as her other comrades slept around her. She kept telling herself that reaching out to Ben was a mistake, yet she couldn’t bring herself to truthfully admit it. She kept playing her last moment with him over and over again in her head.

_“Don’t go.”_

She didn’t realize how much of her emotions were wrapped up in this…whatever this was with Ben. She thought back to seeing his face after kissing Poe. She didn’t know what this was. When the thought of love ever did cross her mind when she thought of Ben Solo, she quickly locked it away. Even if she did consider that feeling, she had no idea how to even begin to process that sort of thing. There was also no point in doing so. She tried to bring Ben back with her once before and failed. He refused to go back with her, doesn’t reach out to her, somehow weasels his way back into her mind prompting her to seek him out herself, and then suddenly he asks her not to leave?

As their connection began to fade, before Rose pulled her back to reality, the last thing she felt from him was desperation, she sensed anger as well. She wasn’t sure if it was towards her, but one thing was for sure. She was putting an end to this now. It wasn’t good for her, or healthy for that matter. She had her place here in the resistance, and he decided on his place in the First Order. Maybe this was what was supposed to happen, as fate would put it, and she just had to accept it, even if it hurt her. Rey shifted to her side, closed her eyes, and attempted to finally drift off to sleep.

That night she dreamt of fire. She knew touching the flame would cause harm to her, yet she continued to reach out anyway. It was tempting, with its visually beautiful colors and the warmth it provided. She reached towards it, getting closer and closer until she practically dipped her hand into the flame.

Sure enough, after touching, she had gotten burned.


	2. Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey feels less than confident in her abilities to successfully carry out an assigned mission. Meanwhile, she dreams of Ben Solo and is forced to face feelings she is not extremely familiar with.

She arched her back and let out a soft moan as the pair of soft lips explored her neck. He continued to grind against her, his arousal pressing hard against her thigh through his clothing. His right hand pressed firmly against the small of her bare back while his left was resting on the back of her neck.

He held her closer.

His warm breath on her neck caused her body to shudder softly. His touch was firm, yet his movements were gentle. She felt his lips gently continue to brush over her neck, dragging them down from her jawline to her collarbone. She tangled her hands loosely into his dark locks, resisting the urge to grab a fistful and pull every time his gentle tastes turned into sharp nibbles. His fingertips dug into the small of her back as he buried his mouth into the crook of her neck; this time almost aggressively. Another stray moan escaped her lips, despite her efforts to remain quiet. This only seemed to fuel him even more as he went at her neck, rotating between biting and sucking her skin. Though he had been gentle with her up until now, she saw he had some slight difficulty holding back. That was a common trait for dark force users, wasn’t it? Driven by passion…

She arched her back again as he continued to grind against her and sharply bite her skin. She responded with a short gasp, grabbing his hair and tightly pulling in the process. He exhaled sharply, and she felt his hand leave her back as she sank into the cushions beneath her. He pulled himself away from her neck, and she was now able to get a good look at him. His bare chest heaved in anticipation, and his face looked determined and ready, yet slightly nervous. His body was riddled with scars, and every muscle seemed well pronounced. He was actually quite handsome, despite the so-called flaws other would be quick to point out.

 His lips were slightly parted, looking plump and inviting as he gazed down at her. Was it really so wrong for her to think about wanting to kiss those soft looking lips over and over again? His dark eyes eagerly scanned every inch of her body as she felt intense feelings of desire and want coming from him. He bit his lower lip and sharply exhaled once more before swiftly placing his hands on her knees and pulling her legs open. He wasted no time nestling himself in between them, his hard on still covered and pushing against her entrance. He lowered his head and softly kissed her cheek before putting his mouth to her ear.

“Tell me what you want.” He whispered, his voice warm and sultry.  

\----------                                                                                                                                                    ----------

Rey’s eyes shot open. Her heart was pounding immensely as she gripped the blanket that was draped over her tightly. Her thighs were clenched tightly together and she felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach. She sat up quickly, her face feeling hot and her lungs out of breath. She knew it had been a rough night, what with having too much to drink, the situation with Poe, and then a completely separate mistake she had made afterwards. A drunken, stupid mistake to reach out to him… And now she had been dragged out of her sleepy haze, but the dream had felt so real. It was as if she had been involved in an actual heated…session with…

She felt her face flush and put her hands to her face, feeling ashamed as ever. She could deny it all she wanted, but she saw Ben when she was kissing Poe. She saw Ben through the force and held his hands in a very intimate manner. She even dreamt of him, and it wasn’t a bad dream at all for that matter. She tried to shake these thoughts, completely lost, and even slightly embarrassed. Something was going on with her that she couldn’t quite get a handle on.

She then heard a knock at the door. She sat herself up in a hurry, trying not to look distressed in any way whatsoever. Rose’s head then peaked in, her face looking bright and ready for the day; something Rey was far from ready for.

“Oh good, you’re up!” Rose smiled brightly. “I thought for sure you’d be knocked out cold this morning!” she laughed before examining Rey’s disheveled appearance. “Your hair is all over the place.” She giggled once more.

“Oh…wow…” Rey patted a hand atop her head and laughed. “It was a rough night.”

“I know. I was there. Somewhat.” Rose winked. “Well, get yourself together best you can. General Organa is holding an emergency meeting in twenty minutes.”

“Really?” Rey quickly stood to her feet. “Why? Did something happen?”

Rose shrugged. “Nobody really knows why yet. But we’ll find out soon enough. By the way, how are you feeling, anyway? You know, since last night?”

An uneasy feeling passed through Rey’s stomach. She was not feeling fantastic by any means, but she wouldn’t let Rose know that. She had to do what was best right now; push it to the back burner until later. There were more important things that had to be dealt with first.

“I mean, I don’t think I’ll drink ever again. But other then that I’m pretty good.” She gave Rose a reassuring smile.

“Alright good.” Rose returned her smile. “Now, get ready so we can maybe grab something to eat on the way. I’m starved!”

“So am I.” Rey groaned, wishing she hadn’t drank so much the night before. As Rose left the room, Rey began to get herself ready for the day. Whatever Leia had to talk to them about had to come first, no matter what. She quickly got herself together, throwing on a new shirt. She didn’t really have much time to shower, so she just washed up and pulled her hair up into a single bun atop her head. She had thought about cutting it these past few weeks due to it growing out so long, and she was due for a trim; but she decided to just leave it and pull it back for now. She threw last night’s clothes into the laundry and folded up the blanket before quickly leaving the crew quarters. Rose was waiting for her outside of the Falcon.  

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” she asked Rey as they began to walk together.

“I am. Why?”

“You really look exhausted.”

“I mean, I didn’t get much sleep last night.” Rey shrugged. “But it’s alright. Once I get some food in me I’ll be good.”

“Alright, well let’s hurry up and grab some rations before the meeting then!” Rose took Rey by the arm and quickly moved her along. “Also…” Rose dropped her voice to a whisper. “Are you okay after last night? I mean, after your little incident with him?”

Rey blinked and shifted nervously. There’s no way she could have known about Ben?

“What do you mean?” she tried to play dumb anyway.

“You know…” Rose looked around before continuing. “With Poe?”

Rey let out a sigh of relief. “Oh…right…”

“What do you mean ‘oh right’?? Were you seriously that drunk that you forgot?”

“No, it just wasn’t on my mind this morning.”

“Huh…well okay. But you still didn’t tell me exactly what happened though?”

Rey made a face and kept walking, looking straight ahead.

“I mean, hey, if it’s not bothering you today then it’s probably not that big of a deal then.”

Rey nodded. “I’ll tell you eventually. But yes, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

Honestly, what happened with Poe was already on the back burner. So what Rose said was basically correct. Rey had far too much on her mind to think about what happened with Poe last night. She would have to face him eventually though, and she only hoped it wouldn’t be awkward between them.

The two made their way towards the assigned meeting place. Rose quickly snatched a couple of pieces of bread for her and Rey to munch on as they walked. Rey glanced over at Rose. They had really become close over the past few months. In fact, Rey had grown close to a few members of the resistance, most of all Rose and Poe, as well as strengthened her friendship with Finn. Still, she couldn’t help but feel nervous about sharing her personal feelings about certain things. She was so used to keeping to herself. That was a result of growing up alone with nobody to really talk to about how she felt. It was a bad habit she wanted to shake, but couldn’t exactly do it most days. She sighed. She would feel much better if she at least got this off her chest.

“Okay…so…” Rey spoke up, catching Rose’s attention. “Last night, I had a bit too much to drink. You already know this.”

“Oh yeah. You were gone.” Rose laughed.

“See, I don’t drink. Especially in excess like that. I ended up walking back to the base with Poe, who I’m pretty certain was sloshed off his ass too.”

“Of course! That’s a given.” Rose took another bite of her breakfast.

“Well…something happened. We were joking around one minute and then the next…he was kissing me.”

Rose nearly choked on her bread as stray crumbs projected from her mouth. She whipped her head towards Rey with widened eyes and her mouth agape, not saying anything at all for at least a few seconds.

“Rose? Come on, say something!” Rey groaned.

“WHAT?”

“Is that really all you have to say??”

“WHAAAT?!”

Rey bit her lower lip, followed by a sigh, and shrugged in response.

“Maker…he finally did it huh? Wow.” Rose put a hand to her forehead and chuckled loudly.

“Finally? What do you mean finally?” Rey cocked her head at the girl.

“Rey, come on. You had no idea he was interested in you? In that way? At all??”

“I mean, I guess I just thought it was harmless flirting.”

“You really are oblivious!” Rose laughed before popping the last piece of bread into her mouth. “So? What happened after that?”

“I…uh…I told him I had to go to bed and then I left.”

Rose grimaced. “Oh man. That didn’t go over too well then?”

“I mean…” Rey sighed. “It wasn’t bad…it was…it was actually really nice. But…”

“But…?”

“I had made it kind of clear that I didn’t want a relationship with anyone right now.”

“And…you let him know this? Or you just assumed that he knew already?”

“I suppose I just assumed…oh maker.” Rey groaned loudly. “I’m not good at this sort of thing. I feel terrible now.”

“Don’t feel bad. You both were pretty messed up last night, so thinking that there would be any clear indication of anything is a little silly. It was a drunken, heat of the moment thing. It happens to the best of us! The wonders of jet juice, right?” she laughed. “But honestly Rey, he’s kind of had his eye on you. If you don’t want to pursue something like that with him, you should probably let him know. You don’t want to string him along.”

“I know. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“Well, aside from the drunken mishap from last night, and feel free to not answer if you’re not comfortable, but why don’t you want to pursue a relationship with Poe? You’re just not attracted to him in that way?”

Rey pursed her lips and paused for a moment, trying to think of the proper words to say. “Poe is…really handsome. He’s charming. He’s a really talented pilot, and he’s always been kind to me…but he’s also really brash, a little self-absorbed, and sometimes I feel like he’s somewhat one track minded. I’m not so sure our personalities would mesh together very well. And honestly, I stand by what I said. I really don’t care for or want any sort of relationship. I’m used to doing things a certain way-my way. I just feel like a romantic relationship would…” she sighed. “Make things more difficult. Not just for me, but the other person involved.”

“How do you mean…?”

“I don’t know…it just…seems painful? I’m not quite sure how to put it.”

Rose gasped. “Rey! There’s someone else isn’t there??”

Rey nearly stopped in her tracks, feeling her breath hitch in her throat. She quickly turned towards Rose, all while trying to keep her cool at the same time. “Why in the galaxy would you even think that? Have you seen me hanging off of anyone around here?”

“Long distance boyfriend?”

Rey blinked. Rose was really prying too much; so much that Rey wasn’t sure how much cool she herself had left at this point. “Nobody. There’s nobody, okay?”

“Okay…You just seem…hung up on someone. Am I wrong?”

Rey stared at her for a moment before giving her a confident nod. “Yes. You are.”

Rose’s face drooped and Rey could see that she felt bad about her choice of words.

“I’m sorry. I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t mean to pry like that! I come off that way sometimes but I…”

“It’s alright. Really!” Rey let out a soft laugh. “I know you just genuinely care.”

“You’ve just been worrying all of us lately. Just a little bit.”

“I know. But I’m telling you now that everything is fine. Even if some things are not, well, I know they will be eventually. That was my motto growing up on Jakku.”

“Well then, I trust in those words.” Rose smiled with a look of sincerity. “As for Poe, I think you guys will be able to sort this out.”

“I hope so.” Rey took a final bite of her breakfast as they approached the meeting point.

The two made their way inside the building and into the small meeting room. Rey looked around, only to see that aside for she and Rose, there only sat Finn and Poe at the single meeting table, along with little BB-8 by Poe’s side.

“Where is everybody?” Rose raised an eyebrow.

“You’re everybody.” Leia’s voice came from behind Rey and Rose. She stood in the doorway, smiling, but still looking as serious as ever. She slid the door closed behind her as Rose and Rey joined the boys at the table in the center of the room.

“You are all probably wondering why I called you here.” Leia took at seat at the head of the table. “I need you four--”

BB-8 let out a couple of loud bleeps before Leia chuckled. “My apologies. You FIVE, to go on an important mission.”

“Just us five? But why?” Finn asked.

“Well, I have everyone I need here. I’ve got my skilled pilot,” Leia nodded in Poe’s direction, of which he responded with a cocky smile.

“Someone with extensive knowledge of the inside,” she shifted her gaze to Finn.

“An excellent mechanic,” she nodded at Rose, who smiled big and bashfully.

“A jack of all trades,” she patted BB-8 on the head as he spun around and bleeped delightfully.

Leia finally shifted her gaze on Rey and smiled. “And someone who is very strong in the force.”

“I’m not sure how much help I’ll be to you all.” Rey stared down at her lap for a moment before looking back up at her friends. “The lightsaber is still broken.”

“Hey, that don’t matter!” Poe grinned. “You can still throw people around if needed, right?”

“And lift rocks?” Finn raised his eyebrows and smiled, causing Rey to chuckle.

“What does this mission entail anyway?” Poe turned back to Leia.

“One of our fighters; when shot down by The First Order there was a droid onboard that held a very important chip with information that cannot be revealed to The First Order. There is a tracker on the droid, so once you get onboard the vessel, it shouldn’t be hard to find…hopefully.”

“What’s on the chip?” Finn asked.

“Multiple plans of attack, locations of various rebel bases and alliance bases, and much more. The droid was being transported when our fleet ran into trouble. It was captured, but as far as we know they weren’t able to hack the chip yet. So, there is still time; as long as you all leave as soon as possible.”

“I’m assuming it’s on the main ship.” Rose thought aloud.  “We’ll have to sneak aboard…”

“Hey, you guys have done that before.” Poe shrugged.

“Yeah, but they probably have tighter security because of it.” Finn sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“But we have a genuine Jedi with us!” Poe grinned. “I mean, if Rey can move giant rocks, then she can probably move other things too. Like doors, weapons; all kinds of stuff.”

Rey didn’t reply. The word rubbed her the wrong way. Jedi. She wasn’t anywhere near being a true Jedi yet. She basically had nothing but the ancient texts, was absent a master, and carried a broken saber in her pack. Force user, yes. Jedi, not quite. And at this point she even began to wonder if she should even embrace the title to begin with. Of course, she wasn’t about to let the others know about that thought.

“That’s true. Rey’s skills have really improved over the last few months.” Finn glanced at her and smiled. “I mean, I don’t know much about the force and how it works but it seems like you have a good handle on what you’re doing.”

Rey let out a soft laugh. “You all put too much faith in me.”

“As they should.” Leia spoke, sounding genuine. “Now, as I said, the droid has a tracker embedded into it already. Rose said it before; its somewhere on the main ship. As far as my sources tell me, The Supremacy is still out of commission for the time being. This vessel is smaller, bit still big enough to where one could get lost without knowing their way around it.” She looked at Finn. “I realize you have spent a lot of time on First Order ships and transports, Finn, but I do have someone on the inside who knows their way around with little to no issues at all that can help as well.”

“Who?” Finn asked curiously. “Do I know them?”

“This person is a crew member of the temporary vessel carrying the droid. One of the few people we have fighting from the inside. However, they can only help you so much before drawing attention, so…” Leia pulled a blinking device from her vest pocket and extended it to Poe. “Obviously you can’t just fly into a First Order fleet alone; you will have to meet this person at a specific place so they can take you to the main fleet via transporter.”

“How do we know we can trust this person?” Poe looked at Leia skeptically as he took the tracking device in his hand.

“I will let you make that your call when you meet with them; however, there shouldn’t be any issues.”

“And where is the meeting place?” Rey asked.

“Takodana.” Leia replied.

Rey immediately thought back to her first time on Takodana with Han Solo, Chewie, and Finn. She remembered Maz Kanata, and her castle. The place where her destiny stayed hidden for so many years, far before she even realized it. The place where the legacy saber had called to her, and also the place where she first encountered Kylo Ren.

 “Now…” Leia paused. “Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux are on that ship, and so you all must be extra careful, do you understand?” Leia looked at the group of young rebels earnestly. “Fighting this war has not been easy, and yes, why we fight is very important. But please don’t forget, all of you,” she glanced briefly at Finn. “Your lives do matter. They mean something…not just to the cause, but to me. I just want you to be careful, and please come back safely.”

Rey glanced at Leia, who, for a moment, looked completely vulnerable. It was short lived though, as she cleared her throat and straightened up her features once more. Rey couldn’t help but wonder if she was thinking about him again…Ben Solo, the son that never came home. The son she had lost.

“Alright then. Poe, keep that tracker close to you at all times. I don’t need to tell you how important that is.” Poe nodded and tucked the tracker tightly away on the inside of his jacket.

 “I already spoke to Chewie, who kindly insisted on accompanying you all to the rendezvous point on Takodana. Get whatever provisions you made need that are necessary, and bring them back to the Millennium Falcon. And as always,” The general stood up. “May the Force be with you. You are all dismissed.”

Rey’s mind began to drift again. It had been two months since she’s seen any real action. Even though their mission was merely to retrieve a droid, it was a very important droid that held secrets that could break the resistance if it fell into the wrong hands. Even though she was improving when it came to her force sensitive abilities; and even though she had her most trustworthy friends at her side…she couldn’t help but feel less than confident as she should. She still had a broken lightsaber, and she still hadn’t fully mastered complete control of her abilities, or even her emotions that usually ended up controlling her abilities to an extent. Hopefully this plan would go well and she wouldn’t have to face him…

“Rey?”

“Huh?” Rey looked up to see her comrades leaving the room and Leia standing in front of her.

“Are you alright with this?”

“General?”

“You just seem, well, a little insecure.”

“I can’t just not follow orders.” Rey laughed, trying to change the topic.

“Rey…”

“…I just don’t want to run into him. There’s a big chance that I might, and I’m not sure what his reaction will be.” Rey thought back to their meeting through the force bond session from the night prior; something she wasn’t planning on mentioning to Leia. “It isn’t that I’m not confident in my abilities…for the most part. But…” she trailed off. “I can only hide my presence so much before he senses me through the force. General, are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want to be the cause of anyone getting hurt…or even killed.”

Leia put a hand reassuringly on the girl’s shoulder and smiled gently. “You may not believe this, but I have complete faith in you. Your comrades do as well. You see that, don’t you?”

“…I do.”

“Oh Rey. I know this life…being in the resistance, this war…even getting involved with my family and its history; I realize this is something you aren’t quite used to, even still.”

“It really isn’t the life that I’m used to at all.” Rey laughed before smiling softly, remembering what her life was like growing up on Jakku. It was a life that left her with an unquenchable yearning; a desire to go beyond what she was used to. She thought about possibly leaving Jakku very often, honestly, but never even seriously considered it until she met BB-8 and Finn. That’s where the adventure began and her life took a turn for, in her opinion, the best. She had friends. She had purpose. That was so much more than she could say for her old life back home on Jakku.

“I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way, though.”

Leia smiled and gently put a hand to the girl’s cheek. “I see a lot of my younger self in you. So determined to escape the norm.” she laughed, fondly remembering her younger years. “You can do this, do you understand?”

Rey paused and turned her head, glancing out the door and seeing her friends gathered outside. Her thoughts also shifted to Ben Solo, and their last encounter through the force bond. She gently let out a soft exhale.

“That droid is coming back; along with my comrades. I’ll make sure of that.”

“I know you will. As I said before, I have complete faith in you and your abilities.”

Rey nodded and headed towards the entrance door before hearing Leia call to her once last time. “And Rey?”

“Ma’am?” Rey turned and looked the general.

“Remember, you are a lot stronger than you think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I realize it's been MONTHS since I dropped this first chapter. I am a person who hates that sort of thing, and I'm so sorry that I've gone and done it! I've had a ton of personal issues come up this summer, as well as a very difficult summer semester. Personal issues have impacted me in a negative way. That, combined with the insane workload from my instructors, have pretty much forced me to shelf this story for a while. The good news is that my inspiration is back full force and my schedule has opened up A LOT, at least until further notice, so I'm hoping to update at least every 2 weeks if I can. 
> 
> Notes:   
> The beginning of this chapter was literally based on a dream I had...something pretty similar, I won't get into the gritty details but I've been having a very weird amount of sex dreams lately and I don't know why but whatever. Now, would Ben Solo be this smooth in real life outside of Rey's dream world? I'm not so sure lol. 
> 
> Basically Rey is dealing with conflict of her own at this point. She's not thinking about love, per se, though her dreams and feelings are reflecting something a teenage girl would be going through. I want to think that Rey never really focused on things like crushes, love, and sex as much in her teens just because she was so busy just trying to survive and her thoughts were so focused on her parents coming back. I feel like she is starting to feel these things much more strongly now, especially with her encounters with the men in her life (Poe, Ben) being more...I suppose sensual and romantic? 
> 
> And then there's the side of her that genuinely still cares for Ben Solo, no matter how much she tries to leave those feelings behind. There is a bond the two have that Rey feels she hasn't had with anyone now or ever, except for with Ben. They understand each other to an extent. However, she also knows she can't force him to come back with her, and maybe she feels a little on edge, angry, and betrayed that Ben didn't come back with her, despite his words to her and their experiences together. On the flip side, Ben probably feels the same way. Clearly they are not on the same page but ya know.
> 
> I didn't address the Rey and Poe (between them) situation yet because it was really the wrong time, but it will come. 
> 
> Once again, I'm sorry for the VERY LATE UPDATE and I hope it doesn't happen again. I mean, I don't plan to disappear for months again but shit happens (knock on wood).
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Not long until our little angsty yin and yang meet in person again. *Side note: I love Rey and Ben so much, my heart can't take it some days.*
> 
> -Miki

**Author's Note:**

> I spent way too much time on this first chapter, but I had to work it until it felt right. Fair warning, a lot of stuff is going to start happening very quickly, so don't be alarmed! This is also the first Star Wars story I have ever written, despite being a fan since childhood, so just bear with me!
> 
> Notes:  
> Rey and Ben lacing their fingers together like that was basically my response to how we were so unfairly ROBBED in that hand touch scene in TLJ. For those who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, in the documentary it shows clips from behind the scenes. In a few of the takes for the hand touch scene, Adam and Daisy are literally HOLDING hands, not just lightly brushing their hands against each other's. So yeah, here's full on finger-lacing, hand-holding, intense force-bonding goodness.


End file.
